10

Wednesday, January 20, 2021, 10:45 AM Central Standard Time (11:45 AM Washington Time)

It was Taco Wednesday again at the Bank Street Bar and Grill, a venerable local institution that had been recently reinaugurated after the reopening of the establishment in question in the fall of 2020, in the wake of the Virus Crash and the lifting of the second round of restrictions on gatherings of more than ten people. A few of the regulars were wearing masks, but even most of these had them on top of their heads or around their necks, to facilitate drinking and eating.

A larger than usual assemblage of customers was there on Wednesday morning, maybe an hour early for their low-priced lunch, an increasingly popular option in the neighborhood, thanks to the chaotic economy. The bar, in a decent-sized town surrounded by a semi-rural area, 50 miles from a large city, drew an older crowd; even on a normal Wednesday, some of them could be expected to come out to get away from the bosoms of their families, or the lack thereof.

But the Inauguration definitely was a draw today, thought the longtime bartender, Janet. She hoped that the crowd remained in a festive mood. Politics had become a dangerous subject in bars. There had been fistfights last year before the election. A younger guy, a stranger to the bar, had gotten cold-cocked after some locals badgered him until he loudly admitted that he was not exactly a fan of the President. Even at the bar’s Halloween party, a female college student had been punched in the face by a local tough guy for saying something similar. She had dodged the main force of the idiot’s fist, and was mostly just shaken up, but her boyfriend, rushing up to defend her, had absorbed his next punch at full speed, and had ended up in the hospital. The Presidential fan was outraged to be taken away by the police, yelling that the cops should be standing up for the President, not the “communists.” The cops probably agreed, although they managed to refrain from saying so openly as they escorted the jerk out of the bar.

Janet didn’t give a shit about politics; she just wanted her shift to be as uneventful as possible and her tips to pay her rent and feed her kids.

So far, this morning, things seemed calm. She pulled another beer for Pete, a quiet older guy she liked. He was big but calm, and had a nice laugh. Sitting next to him was his friend Mike. He was nice enough, but he was a bit of a know-it-all. Some of the guys had dubbed him “Cliff,” for the tiresome character from “Cheers.” To his credit, he took the ribbing in a good spirit. But he could provoke some of the others with some of his opinions when everyone had had a little too much to drink. She would keep an eye on him.

The TV was tuned, as usual, to Wolf News, with the sound almost muted. Other screens were tuned to sports channels, also as usual. A phalanx of older men, almost all regulars, sat in front of the Wolf News screen, waiting for the inauguration to begin. At the extreme end of this group, and also at the extreme front end of the bar, sat Mike. He was the only one of the group who was not in an obviously jocular mood. Janet now recalled that Mike was definitely an outlier, politically speaking, for this bar. The vast majority of the older regulars were big supporters of the President. Janet hoped Mike would remain quiet. Somewhere in the back, Angelo, a noted, often-homeless, always truculent alcoholic, coughed. He’d better be wearing his mask, thought Janet.

“So how are you feeling about all this?” Pete asked Mike.

“It is what it is,” Mike said.

“Well, isn’t it always?”

“I guess,” Mike said. “But it seems that it is more it now than it has ever been.”

“You’ve got nothing more to say?”

“Everything I have ever said about this President has simply hardened attitudes all around. I don’t even begin to know how to change that.”

“And you don’t want people to support this President?”

“In the same way you didn’t want people to support his opponent.”

“I’m not going to get anything out of you?”

“We were winning until he came out and said he had the virus, which I am not entirely certain was not just a way to get out of debating our guy again, and a cheap method of getting a sympathy vote. And his whole campaign was ‘Make Liberals Cry Again.’ I’m not gonna cry,” Mike replied in a low voice. “I was in the majority, not you. You guys won, or maybe tied, according to the arcane rules set up to entice slave states and tiny farmer states into the Union in 1787. Tell me how those rules are more important than ‘One Person, One Vote.’ There’s no morality to the Electoral College. My vote should not count less than someone in Wyoming simply because my state has 20 times the population. I’m just as American as those…effers.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Pete said. “Effers?”

“I’m trying to cut down on the swearing,” Mike said.

“Don’t let me interrupt you,” Pete said.

“I’m sorry,” Mike said.

“Don’t be,” Pete said. “You haven’t said anything since the election. I could tell it was building up. Let it loose, man.”

“For thirty solid years,” Mike continued in a low voice, “America’s been getting pounded in the ass by Republicans, and they just keep electing the effers.”

“Preach!” Pete said, also in a low voice.

“They rammed through deregulation of Wall Street in 1999, and that brought us 2008, which cost us up to $120 trillion in long term wealth lost, according to one study. That’s five years of national income. I used to be an actuary, so maybe I don’t believe that number, but hell, cut that down by 90% and it’s still $36,000 for every man, woman and child in America. Republicans refused to keep tabs on al Qaeda, because only hippy Democrats monitor non-state actors, and kaboom, 9/11 happened. That cost us a few thousand more each in new anti-terror stuff. Okay, maybe that would have happened anyway if the Democrat had gotten 538 more votes in Florida, because the FBI and CIA hated each other more than they hated al Qaeda.”

“Now don’t start having second thoughts,” Pete muttered under his breath. “Bring it home!”

“But Republicans’ response to 9/11 was to attack the only country in the Middle East other than Israel that didn’t have al Qaeda terrorists. Three trillion dollars — that means $10,000 more from each and every American man, woman, and child. Then when the 2008 crash happened and no one was buying anything, which meant companies were firing people and even MORE people couldn’t buy stuff, which meant MORE companies closing and firing MORE people, in an endless downward spiral to hell, and we needed the government to spend like crazy to keep us from having Great Depression 2.0, they would not give Okomo a single vote for a stimulus package that was maybe one third the size it should have been. Why? He was a Democrat.”

“Ancient history. And his Democrat predecessor signed that Wall Street deregulation thing. And you say I never learn anything from Wolf News,” Pete said, smirking while taking a swig of his morning lager.

“Very true,” Mike said. “He signed that Republican bill. You ever notice, practically the only time Democrats have effed up in the past 30 years was when they caved to Republicans? ‘Hey, a Democrat President signed Wall Street deregulation. Hey, look, some Democrats voted for the Iraq War. Look, some Democrats voted for tax cuts for the rich in 2001. A bunch of Democrats voted for the PATRIOT Act.’ And they never learn. One Democrat didn’t even vote to impeach this pig-effer, when Republicans would have voted to remove a Democrat right after the Inauguration for that stuff! And, of course, Democrats supported all the stimulus stuff after the virus hit. That sure bought them a lot of love from Republicans, huh?”

“I am starting to think that swearing is less offensive than saying ‘effer’ every few sentences.”

“And all the predictions Republicans have made about the great things that would happen if their policies were enacted, and the terrible things that would happen if Democrats’ policies were enacted. Has a party in this country ever had a worse record on that stuff, since the end of the Cold War? ‘Our 2001 tax cuts will PAY FOR THEMSELVES! We will be greeted as LIBERATORS in Iraq! Wall Street can regulate ITSELF!”

Janet had come over toward them. Leaning over the bar, she asked, “Everything okay here?”

Pete smiled. “You’ve made everything great again, Janet.” Janet glided away toward the other end of the bar to fill an order.

“That was uncalled for,” Mike said. Pete was now grinning.

“So, you were saying?”

“Come on. You don’t care.”

“No. I give an ‘s,’ you ‘effer.’ You were saying?”

“I was reviewing ancient history. I was saying that Republicans have been on a 28-year losing streak in predicting the future. 1993 – the Democratic President’s budget raised taxes on the wealthiest Americans. Republicans refused to give him one single vote. Why? They said that raising taxes would destroy the economy. Destroy jobs. What happened? 22 million jobs created in eight years. Positive job growth in 96 out of 96 months. Biggest boom in the history of the universe. But did Republicans apologize? Say they got it wrong? Hell no. They just went on to the next prediction. ‘The Kosovo War is unwinnable and will destroy our military!’ Result: ZERO Americans killed in action. But a Republican senator went on national TV and told the Serbs, ‘I don’t want to say anything, but we’re runnin’ outta Tomahawk missiles!’ Imagine the Republican reaction if a Democrat had gone on national TV and told Saddam Hussein we were running out of missiles and if he just hung on he’d be okay. Jesus Christ on a dump truck.”

“Breathe,” Pete said, still grinning.

“‘The reconstruction of Iraq will cost $2 billion.’ That was one of my favorites. How many hundreds of billions was that Republican administration official off? ‘The stimulus will cause HYPERINFLATION and DEBASE THE DOLLAR!’ What happened? Lowest 8-year inflation in the history of the country. Maybe the history of anywhere. ‘Okomocare will cause MEDICAL HYPERINFLATION!’ What happened? Lowest medical inflation since the 1960s – even with 20 million more people insured! But were the Republicans ever called to account for that? Hell no. They went to work to destroy Okomocare, and I think they’ve finally succeeded now.”

“Easy, now. You’re gonna blow a head gasket.”

“Now this genius gets into office promising that he’s going to be hard on the billionaires, and he will be paying higher taxes himself, and what does he do? He cuts taxes on the wealthy, and once again, Republicans promise ‘The tax cuts will pay for themselves!’ Result? Trillion-dollar deficits, during an expansion. What a shocker! And now, finally, there is this pandemic, the biggest and costliest and most deadly eff-up in the history of this nation. Killed more Americans than any terrorist attack or even any war we’ve had since World War II, and who said it was going to be nothing? It was going to go away magically? He had it all under control?” He pointed to the screen. “This mothereffer. And then he uses it at the end to win the election. Or come within stealing distance, anyway.”

“Are you done?”

“Medium rare.”

“So, let’s say all that is true. How did you guys lose?” 

Mike pondered this for a moment.

“I don’t know. Why did you not vote Democrat?” 

Pete thought for a moment.

“I feel like Democrats just don’t give a damn about me,” he finally said. “I think they have contempt for me. They think I’m stupid and racist. Even worse, ‘privileged.’ And they’re all about some expert telling me what I should do. ‘Don’t shake hands. Wear a mask. I don’t care if you can’t pay your rent or your employees, you have to shut down your business.’ They could afford to sit at home and work on their computers. We couldn’t. But when we lowlifes who work for a living, who work with our hands, and not by typing, when we people who have to go out to work ask them how we can pay our bills without working, they got nothing. Just a bunch of experts and Hollywood types saying, ‘Stay home.’ How can I stay home when I’m being evicted?”

“That was a huge mistake on their part,” Mike said. “They became the Party of No. Even though it was actually them that got people the benefits that kept people afloat for the first couple of months.”

“And the President was more about how I could get back to work. Also, Democrats don’t respect entrepreneurs. It still sticks in my craw what Okomo said. ‘You didn’t build that.’ Well, I did build that. And he said we ‘cling to guns and religion.’ You bet I do. I’d rather cling to that stuff than what he was selling. Democrats are all about handouts to lazy people, and experts shaking their fingers at us.”

Pete considered this for a moment.

“I think you and most Republicans were spring-loaded to leap onto anything Okomo said that you thought showed that he thought you were dumb or hicks. I guess it would be pointless for me to tell you that he didn’t mean it that way. But Okomo had an amazing ability to inflame people with ill-considered offhand remarks,” Mike said.

“I don’t think they were all that ill-considered. Or offhand. I think he really believes that stuff.”

“Oh, I think he believed that entrepreneurs would be in tough shape if it wasn’t for the trillions of dollars of infrastructure – streets, police, courts, licensing, communications, power, heat, you name it – that government helps provide and regulate,” Mike said. “And I believe that he believes that in times of uncertainty, people need something to fall back on. Personally, I don’t see myself falling back on guns, because I don’t think they make me safer. And I am not the religious type. But I agree you have to cling to something in times of trial. Hell, the last year has proved that.”

Pete looked straight ahead, with no reaction.

“It’s starting,” Pete finally said. “What are you going to cling to?”

“Honestly,” Mike said, “probably this bar.”

From the back of the bar, an impressive coughing jag could be heard. 

“Angelo,” Janet yelled. “You better be wearing that mask.”

 

© 2020 Nolan O’Brian