51
Wednesday, February 24, 2021, 12PM Central Standard Time
“Where’s Pete?” Janet asked Mike as he sat down. “And what’s with the mask?”
“Pete’s’s sick,” Mike said.
“I thought he had the virus already,” Janet said.
“Maybe it’s not the virus. Maybe it’s just a cold. Or maybe what he thought was the virus when he had it wasn’t.”
“Well, I hope he gets better. He’s a good guy.”
“That he is,” Mike said.
“Who’s this?” Janet asked, indicating the younger man next to Mike, who sat two seats away, also masked, as per social distancing guidelines.
“This is my son, Joe,” Mike said. “Joe, this is Janet. She keeps us all in line around here.”
“Nice to meet you,” Janet said.
“Same,” Joe said. They both seemed about to reach their elbows across the bar, then Angelo coughed loudly in the back of the bar.
“You better be wearing that mask,” Janet yelled back at him.
“Sorry,” she said to Joe. “We got a regular here who likes to sit here and cough and scare all my customers away. I have to refill his beer with a squirt of Purell.”
Joe laughed.
“You were in the military?” Janet asked.
“Yeah.”
“What branch?”
“Army,” Joe said.
“My ex was in the Army,” Janet said.
“Sorry to hear that, I guess,” Joe said, laughing a bit.
“Not your fault,” Janet said. Then she turned to Mike. “How’d a lefty socialist like you have an all-American kid like this?”
“Beats me,” Mike said. “But when the civil war restarts, I hope he’ll put a good word in for me.”
“Huh,” Janet said, and moved off down the bar.
“She seems nice,” Joe said.
“She’s okay. She’s tough,” Mike said. “Sometimes I think she doesn’t like me much.”
Joe was silent.
“So, this was a surprise,” Mike said. “It’s good to see you.”
“Good to see you. Been a long time.”
“What have you been doing? I was surprised to hear you were out of the service.”
“Yeah. To be honest, I’ve been out for over a year.”
“Wow. That’s… you couldn’t tell your old man?”
“Sorry. It’s been a crazy time. Time came to re-up at the end of ’19, and the stuff I had been doing… well, the stuff that I wanted to continue doing wasn’t an option anymore, so I decided to get out.”
“Maybe someday you can tell me a little about what you were doing. I understand if you can’t.”
“Yeah, most of the stuff our unit was involved with is pretty classified. Sometimes for no good reason. But when in doubt, best to avoid talking about it.”
“How do you feel? Physically?”
“I’m fine. A few dings here and there, nothing that would keep me out of a ballgame. I did get out on a medical, but it was a technicality.”
“Have you seen your mom?”
“I called her. Haven’t seen her yet, but I will, probably today.”
“You should probably see her if you’re seeing me.”
“I will. This just worked out because my new job took me near here.”
“What is this new job, anyway?”
“Ah, it’s… it’s hard to explain. My CO knew this guy who used to be in the service who started up a private security firm. High-end clients, taking them place to place, making sure they’re okay, among other things. It’s the kind of stuff contractors used to do in Iraq and Afghanistan for the State Department, but with about one one-thousandth the risk. The biggest risk actually is the freaking egos on these guys. Most of them don’t need security at all. It’s a status thing. But we go along, pretend, and take their money. It pays well. I just moved in to a nice apartment and bought a car.”
“Well, that all sounds great. You sure you’re okay? If it was me, I’d want to take a nice long vacation, decompress, smell the roses.”
“Well, we are different people.”
“You’re telling me,” Mike said. “I knew that right away, the first time I looked into your eyes. I felt like you were saying, ‘THIS is supposed to be my dad?’”
“Ah, you’re not all bad,” Joe said. “We’re just different.”
“So, what do you think about America since you got back? Is it different from what you expected?”
Joe thought about it.
“Hard to say if the apparent change comes from having been someplace so completely different for a while, or if things really have changed. I don’t know if things are so different, or my frame of reference is just different.”
“That makes sense,” Mike said. “But I think I can tell you, things are very different from when you first went in – what was it? – ten years ago, eleven?”
“It’s over fourteen, believe it or not,” Joe said.
Mike gave a low whistle. “My god. That’s right. I was still in my forties. Time is really passing.”
“But I guess since then things certainly have changed, just reading stuff online.”
“I think too much about it,” Mike said. “Ask anyone here. It’s hard to keep my mouth shut, even though I know everything I say is just alienating people I should be trying to convince. But to be honest, I don’t think anyone’s convincible anymore. The legendary ‘swing voter’ was always a unicorn. Anyway, I’m the unicorn around here. I’m about the only liberal here.”
“Makes sense, given the area. For a blue state, this is a hell of a red area.”
“Yeah,” Mike said. “I like the wide-open spaces. When you grow up in a tiny house with a lot of people, in a crowded city, you just want space. At least I did. The downside for me, or, I don’t know, maybe it’s an upside, is, I live among people who don’t necessarily think like me. But they’re good people. Hell, your car breaks down, your pipes freeze, you got an animal in the attic, they will be there for you.”
“Solid Americans.”
“Yep. But they voted this guy in twice, and I don’t think they understood what it would do to the country. Or I don’t know, maybe it’s what they wanted.”
“There does seem to be a lot more division.” “What do you think about that?”
“Uh… I have not had much time to think about that. When you’re in the service, I think most people put that on hold. It doesn’t affect our day-to-day.”
“Well, I’m sure it affected what they had you doing.”
“I guess. But you get a job to do, and you do it. We didn’t think about the why too much.”
“Was it a change in what you were doing that made you decide to get out?”
“I don’t want to get into all that,” Joe said.
“Well, getting out of Middle East wars, that’s not necessarily a partisan issue,” Mike said. “I know the President was for getting out, but a lot of liberals were too. But the way he did it, without consulting any military leaders, abandoning allies, local minorities, that troubles me.”
Joe was silent.
“Okay,” Mike laughed. “Not getting anything out of this one.”
“You know how it is,” Joe said.
“Well, I really don’t, as you know well. You’ve chosen a different path than I did. In fact, I’m pretty sure I didn’t really choose a path. But I never considered the military. It wasn’t exactly the fashionable career choice right after Vietnam.”
Joe took a drink.
“Well, where are you headed after this?”
“Not sure. I think back to DC.”
“So, you aren’t going back to North Carolina to settle? Your old man was hoping to have a place to crash when his retirement savings ran out in a week or two.”
“You retiring?”
“Doesn’t look like it. Not anytime soon, anyway. 401-k has taken quite a hit.”
“Did you want to retire?”
“I really have not thought about it. I sort of assumed I would work till I couldn’t work anymore. Being an insurance underwriter isn’t exactly like being a coal miner. I can probably tap away at a keyboard till they put me in a box or my fingers fall off, whichever comes first.”
“And you can just talk and the words appear on the screen now,” Joe said.
“See? I’m probably good till 85 then.”
“Well, my lease ran out in North Carolina a couple of months ago, and the company I work for is headquartered in the Washington suburbs. They put me up at a long-term-stay hotel near DC till a few weeks ago.”
“Well, let your mom know.”
“I… I already did.”
Mike paused for a second.
“Well, that’s good. You should keep her informed.”
“Wow, all this concern for Mom. You two getting back together or something?”
“No, nothing like that. I just don’t want her getting angry because you saw me and not her. You don’t need that.”
“You seeing anyone?”
“No. It’s been a long time. To be honest I’m set in my ways. I’m a loner.”
“I think that’s true,” Joe said. “Always been true. You’ve probably said more to me in this conversation than you said to me the whole time I was growing up.”
“See,” Mike said, “I can be talkative. I’m known for my big mouth around here, right, Janet?”
“That he is,” Janet, who had moved back toward them, said. “He’s not exactly the strong silent type. He should wear a mask more often.”
“Well that just hurts, ma’am,” Mike said.
“The truth hurts,” Janet replied. “You two need anything more?”
“You?” Mike asked Joe.
“I thought we were having tacos,” Joe said.
“Oy,” Mike said. “Your old man is losing his marbles. Why don’t you get us tacos and two more beers, please, Janet.”
“Wow, ‘please?’ That’s a change,” she said, and went toward the kitchen.
“It was a surprise to see you on TV,” Mike said.
“It was a surprise to be on TV,” Joe said.
“You didn’t look thrilled,” Mike said.
“They kind of sprung it on me,” Joe said. “One of the people we do security for owned the team, and my boss is kind of hooked in with him. I didn’t expect it.”
“I can’t believe I was watching,” Mike said. “I’m not even much of a basketball fan. Just happened to turn to it randomly. I guess I wouldn’t have seen you today if not for that. Another reason for you not to like that, maybe.”
“Ah, come on. I had to see my old man, right?”
“I hope so. I hope you always feel like you can come see me.”
“Sure.”
“Hell, you can crash with me. I’ve got a whole room for you. I can give you a key if you need it. Anytime.”
“Thanks. But I doubt I’ll be back around here when you aren’t around.”
“That would probably be the best time for you to crash at my place. No need to get interrogated by your dad.”
“That would be a first,” Joe said. “We never talked all that much.”
“You seemed to know what you wanted to do. And I figured you were talking to your mother about anything important. She’s always been more useful than me.”
“Why do you always put yourself down?” Joe said, loudly enough that it startled Mike, and drew some attention from the peanut gallery around them.
Mike looked around, then said in a low voice, “I was joking.”
“Were you, though?”
Mike looked at Joe in the eyes for a moment. “Did that bother you? Why the big reaction?”
Joe thought for a moment. “You always surrendered. You never stuck up for yourself.”
Mike thought it over. “Sometimes you have to give way.”
“Not all the time. Not on everything.”
“Didn’t you prefer living with your mom?”
“It never seemed like you wanted me to live with you. I didn’t think it was an option.”
Mike was silent. After a minute or so, Joe spoke. “Anyway, water under the bridge, right?”
Mike stayed silent. He seemed to be trying to master his emotions. Finally, he spoke.
“If I had known… if I had had any inkling you wanted to live with me, I would have done something about it,” he said. “You were such a quiet kid, and you seemed so different from me, and you seemed not to want me around. Like you were permanently pissed off at me.”
“Of course I wanted you around,” Joe said. “A boy needs his father around.”
Mike looked down at this. “I have to, uh, go to the washroom,” he said. He pushed back from the bar, got up, and walked toward the rear of the bar, past the still-coughing Angelo.
Joe sat with his elbows on the bar, looking straight ahead. He pulled his mask down and took a drink of his beer.
After two minutes, Mike returned and sat down slowly.
“I wanted to ask you about that basketball game thing,” he said, looking straight ahead at something invisible across the bar.
“What?”
“I said you didn’t look happy when they were announcing you had just returned from Iraq.”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I wasn’t happy either.”
“You?”
“Me.”
Joe was silent.
“Because contrary to popular opinion around here, I am a real patriot. I love this country. And I am proud as hell that you, my son, have served my country, even if I didn’t, and even if I have had serious disagreements with some of the wars my country’s government has chosen to fight.”
He paused and took a drink.
“I’m proud as hell of you, Joe. It sounds strange to say that. Not because I wasn’t always proud of you. I was. Always. But it sounds condescending. It sounds like I am saying, ‘I, your superior, have deemed that you, my inferior, have done something good, and you should crave my precious approval.’”
Joe looked like he was about to say something, but Mike raised his hand to stop him.
“I don’t think my approval is something that matters much. But I’m proud just to be associated with you. I’m proud to be your father. Even if I wasn’t such a great dad. So, when I say I didn’t like that thing they did to you at the basketball game, I am saying it as your father. It looked to me like they were stealing your valor, the valor of someone I love and respect, to create a smarmy fake-patriotic moment, manipulating every person there so they could sell more beer or basketball tickets. It looked to me,” Mike said, “like a bunch of fat, clapping, non-serving phony patriots having their chains pulled by some corporate-military bullshit machine, and thinking they were part of whatever hell you went through over there, when in fact they were part of what sent you off there in their place, and will do it again and again just so they can get an endless supply of those sweet tear-jerking moments. And as your father, I was repulsed by that. It made me queasy.”
“Wow,” Joe said.
“I’m sorry,” Mike said. “It’s the way I feel. So, I guess I wanted to know if you felt that way at all.”
Joe thought for a moment.
“I… I was too close to it to think anything that specific. I just wanted it to end. Do I think they were a bunch of phonies? The whole crowd? I don’t know. If I was mad at anyone I was mad at the people that made it happen. My boss, I guess, and the basketball team owners. It was a little mortifying. I… I never understood why combat veterans were so unwilling to talk about their war experiences. Now I think I do. It cheapens something that should be sort of sacred, life and death.”
Mike nodded vigorously. “That’s kind of what I was getting at.”
“But you shouldn’t get so angry. I went through a lot tougher things. Everyone has.”
“Okay.” Mike paused. “I want to ask you something else.”
“What?”
“It’s about the President and the Republicans. What do you think of them?”
“Like I said, I haven’t had a lot of time to think about that stuff.”
“You must have some opinions about them.”
“I… I don’t feel qualified to talk about political stuff. I haven’t been paying a lot of attention.”
“Well if you ever get caught up on the news and want to talk about that stuff, I would value your opinion. I have too many opinions, probably. I could use a sanity check.”
Janet came by with the tacos.
“Thanks,” Joe said.
“Anything for our men in uniform,” she said, smiling.
“I think she likes you,” Mike said. “At least she likes someone in this family.”
They flipped their masks down and ate in silence for a minute or two. Then Joe spoke up.
“I went and saw Mary recently.”
“Oh yeah? How is she doing? God, I haven’t seen her in years.”
“Did you know that Danny killed himself?”
Mike froze.
“What?” was all he could muster.
“Yeah,” Joe said.
“Oh my god,” Mike said. “Just, now, recently? When?”
“It was years ago.”
“What? How… how could I not know this? When did it happen?”
“About five years ago,” Joe said.
Mike leaned forward with his head down. Joe said nothing for a while. Finally, Mike turned to him.
“How are they?”
“Well, the rest of them are still alive. Jeff’s been through a lot. He was in jail a number of times for drugs. I think he’s clean now. He’s put on a lot of weight. Mary’s got a job at Ball-Mart. Their daughter –”
“Jane,” Mike said.
“She had been sick a few weeks before I came by. Supposedly not the virus and not too serious.”
Mike was still reeling. He had put his taco down and pushed back from the bar. “I can’t believe it,” he whispered.
More silence.
Mike finally said, “How the hell did we lose touch for so long?”
Joe shook his head silently.
“I don’t know. I always got the idea that we thought of them as, I don’t know, lower class?”
Mike began to protest. “I never… She was my cousin. We grew up together.”
“And then grew apart, I guess. If it makes you feel any better, I think she has been out of touch with all her cousins.”
“It doesn’t. I wish someone among us had been there for her. As I was not, obviously.” Mike seemed to be thinking. “I think maybe the divorce knocked me for more of a loop than I appreciated. I dropped pretty much everyone but you. I got a little too self-absorbed.”
Seeing Joe’s expression, he said, “That’s not an excuse. Just an explanation. It’s dangerous to get too much into self-pity. I guess I did just that.”
“It’s not your fault,” Joe said.
“I should have been around to help out,” Mike said.
“It might have happened anyway,” Joe said. “Stuff like that… it doesn’t come out of nowhere. His dad was a junkie and a jailbird.”
“I had heard about some of that,” Mike said. “And how he’s kind of in the tank for the President. But Jesus.”
“And they were homeless for a while.”
“Homeless?” Mike said. “Oh my god.”
“For a short time, I guess. They had a rough ride till Jeff got straight. I have to hand it to Mary. She really must have come through for them. I can’t imagine what all that must have done to her.”
“Not to tell us…” Mike said, his voice trailing off. “What must she have thought of us?”
“I doubt she was thinking too much about anyone,” Joe said. “Shock. Then, when’s the right time to call up your relatives and say, ‘Oh, by the way, my son hanged himself’?”
“He hanged himself?” Mike said, visibly shrinking. “Oh, god.”
“Sorry, Dad,” Joe said. “I’ve been in a combat zone too long. I did not mean to shock you, honestly.”
“No…thank you for telling me. I could have died without knowing, with all these diseases going around. …Have you had the virus?”
“Yeah. You?”
“No. At least, I don’t know. I’ve had colds. Nothing that made an impression on me.”
“Well, be careful.”
“My god. Well, at least… this has been a meeting I will not forget soon. Jesus.”
“I’m sorry to have been the one to tell you. I was wondering if maybe you knew.”
“Not a clue. Does your mom know?”
“I don’t know.”
Mike thought for a moment.
“Well, think about whether you should tell her. I guess there’s no non-shocking way to tell her that news. But I guess she should know.”
“Okay.”
“You know, I think of myself as a reasonably thoughtful guy,” Mike said. “Then this comes along and lets me know I have been a thoughtless asshole all along.” He waved off Joe’s head-shaking. “It’s easy to think of yourself as basically decent just for advocating certain political opinions and voting a certain way. It’s a little harder when your own flesh and blood suffer like this but decide they would rather not reach out to you in a crisis.”
“I’d better get moving,” Joe said. “Any message for Mom?”
“Say hello from me, will you? And say hello to her new guy. What’s his name again?”
“Mel,” Joe said.
“He seems like a nice guy. The opposite of me in many ways. Which seems right now to be a pretty good thing.”
“Well, that’s wrong,” Joe said. “But okay, I’ll say hello for you.”
“Take the tacos to go. They’re actually not terrible.” He turned to Homero. “Right, Homero?”
“Dog food,” Homero said.
“He’s just giving us gringos a hard time,” Mike said.
“You take care of yourself,” Homero said to Joe. “It’s good to see you back here in one piece.”
“Likewise,” Joe said. “Encantado.”
“We’ll make a good mejicano of him yet,” Homero said.
Joe grinned and waved, and then reached back to the bar to put some sanitizer on his hands.
“Take care of yourself, Dad,” he said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Mike watched him all the way out the door.
Janet came over and stood across the bar from him.
“You okay?” she said.
Mike looked down at his tacos.
“I’m sorry, he finally said. “I’m fine. Just got some bad news. Somebody in the family died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Janet said. “Was it sudden?”
Mike looked up at her. “Yes… but five years ago. I just learned about it now.”
Janet did not know what to make of this; her extended family was so intimately entwined in one another’s business that she could not conceive of something happening to one of them and going unreported for five minutes, much less five years. What an odd duck, she thought, as she turned back over toward Angelo, who had chosen this moment to begin another coughing jag.
“That’s it, Angelo,” she said, loudly. “Hit the bricks. OUT. Before we lose even more service members.”
© 2020 Nolan O’Brian